| only one. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|05:32 pm] |
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I only have interest in one boy now. We like each other. We want something together. I never thought that would happen. I thought I would have a crush that wouldn't go anywhere. I thought there was no way it would go anywhere, but it has. I hope it keeps moving forward, and so does he. I've been worried and scared though, and voiced that to him. Whether or not we can always figure things out or answer every question, I'm glad he's willing to communicate. We're different in some pretty big ways, but the same in others. He's farther along than I am. I think he could make me better, make me want to be better. I hope that I can be satisfied, happy, with a relationship so different from any I've been in before. We're both afraid he won't be able to give me everything I need. I hope I can learn. I hope I can be good enough for him, I'm afraid I won't be. I don't want to worry. I want to be happy, and easy going, and trust him. There's a lot of good stuff between us. |
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| boys boys boys boys. |
[Dec. 14th, 2009|02:01 pm] |
So many boys.
It's good though. I didn't think I could like another boy, at least not for a very long time.
Jay and I were talking a lot, and slept together, but we haven't spoken much since. I don't know. I never really got over him and I guess he never really got over me, but we're not good for each other, and I couldn't go back to that, really. I'm not sure what he wants.
Dylan and I hung out the other day. He will always be Dylan and I will always be Jacqueline and we will always be Dylan and Jacqueline and have this fucked up relationship. It's been almost 5 years now. Oh what a fun ride it's been. He has shaped me in ways. Five fucking years.
I thought maybe something would start with this new guy, Sean, but I don't really care much right now. Maybe we will end up hanging out, maybe we won't.
I think Matt is struggling more than I am at this point. I, hypothetically, want him to be happy, I guess, but I am somewhat glad he's not. He is weak. He still needs me. I don't need him.
And then there is this other boy...I won't say much about that yet. I don't know where it's going. He makes me happy right now though. Different. I'm nervous.
Last night was the staff Christmas party/show. Ashley had invited me over to her place to get ready and hang out before hand, with Dana as well. I was hesitant, but decided I should take her up on it. We work together, but we hadn't got the chance to get to know each other and form friendships. I think last night was a big step in that direction, and I'm glad I went. It was a good night. :)
My birthday was nothing really exciting. Mom, Dad, Leslie and I went out for dinner at the new Texas Lonestar Grill. Our server was one of my favourite ever, and the food was good except for the many fuck ups with my meal. After that, Leslie, Devon, Liane and I got high and went to see A Christmas Carol 3D. It was good. I wish Justin could have come but he was really sick. I knew Caitlin would ditch. Whatever. It was good enough anyway. Birthdays suck.
Liane and I are close, good friends these days. I am really glad about it. It's really stupid to write this because she is one of the very very few people, if not the only person, that is going to read this... Hey baby, what's up? Lol.
Work work work work work. |
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